Maisy the Happy Fairy

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Once upon a time,
In a bright field of daisies,
There lived a lovely little fairy,
Her name was Maisy,

With her special wand,
She could conjure up joy,
Creating sweeties and sunshine,
For all to enjoy.

Whenever she spied
A place that seemed tragic,
She would banish the gloom,
With her own brand of magic,

One day she was dancing
Around a mushroom,
When an owl told her
About a forest of gloom.

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A forest so dingy,
Filled with beetles and slugs,
Where bats lurked in the shadows,
And teenagers did drugs.

‘This is a place,
That sure gives me a fright!’
Said the owl, ‘Please go there,
And bring it some light!’

‘Okey-dokey,’ said Maisy,
‘I’ll make those woods happy!
From what you’ve told me,
It sounds really cra…zy.’

So off Maisy flew,
Holding her wand,
For it was to her,
What a gun was to James Bond.

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She flew to the forest,
And boy, was it spooky,
It was all grey and nasty,
Not an iota of beauty!

‘This cannot do!’
Maisy did bellow,
She got out her wand,
Which zapped a beam bright yellow,

She turned thorns into flowers,
Spiders into bees,
She took all the darkness
And replaced it with glee!

Yet in seconds,
She saw her work undone,
All her colour vanished,
The woods once again glum.

‘How could this be?
Was it because of a spell?’
‘Yes it was,’ replied a voice
That sounded like Hell.

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From behind a tree,
There appeared a thin creature,
With a long nose and sharp fangs,
But by far its worst feature,

Were its gigantic eyes,
All blazing and red,
It stared at dear Maisy,
And filled her with dread.

‘I am the guardian
Of this here wood,
Making sure it’s all dingy,
Because darkness is good!’

‘What do you mean?’
Protested our fairy,
‘There’s nothing good
About monsters so scary!’

‘But the whole world
Can’t be sunshine and bunnies,
Wouldn’t it be boring,
If everywhere were sunny!

Plus people like being scared,
They find it amusing,
So I must kindly ask you
To stop your abusing!

How would you like it
If I came to your home,
And made it a nightmare,
Where bats and ghouls roam?’

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‘But everywhere should be nice!’
Maisy cried and complained,
She shrieked and she screamed,
Until she looked drained.

‘Some places should be nice,’
The creature explained,
‘But a good variety
Keeps us all entertained.

Now get out of my woods!’
And as he said that,
The creature kicked Maisy out,
And she fell with a splat!

So then Maisy decided,
To stop making things cheery,
And spent all her time at home
Watching The Big Bang Theory.

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Nightmare Rhymes

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Little Miss Muffet,
Stood on the tuffet,
Today was a glorious day,
She found that spider,
Who once sat down beside her,
And she knew she would make him pay.

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Little Bo Peep,
Killed one of her sheep,
By chopping off its head…

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But the sheep came back,
And it attacked,
And now Bo is also dead!

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Oh, the mean old dude from York,
He killed a thousand men.
He eventually got killed himself,
But he came back again.

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Humpty Dumpty stood on the wall,
Humpty Dumpty caused a great fall…

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All the king’s horses, and the knights as well,
Were sent descending into Hell.

The Lemon Possum

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Once there was a possum,
Whose name was Bill,
And every night,
His gut he would fill.

When the skies were dark,
He would go off and rummage,
Through myriad bins,
To find the most delectable rubbish,

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This little ritual,
He’d perform every night,
What we’d call disgusting,
Would sate his appetite.

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But then one evening,
Our grey little fellow,
Came upon a possum,
Whose fur was bright yellow.

‘Who are you?’
Bill asked the possum so large,
(He didn’t mind she was different,
He wasn’t Nigel Farage.)

‘I am the Lemon Possum,’
She said with a smile,
‘Why do you eat rubbish?
It’s rancid and vile!’

‘But I find it delicious,’
said Bill, ‘It’s the best!’
‘No,’ said Lemon Possum,
‘Put that notion to rest!

‘You want to eat from bins?
You have no imagination!
Let me introduce you to
A new eating sensation!’

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She conjured up ice cream,
She conjured up sweets,
She conjured up chocolate
And sugary eats!

‘What is all this?’
asked Bill, quite surprised.
All these things had such colour,
It was like a punch to the eyes.

‘They’re good things to eat,
And giving them out is my job!’
And she took a jelly baby,
And shoved it down his gob.

‘That was delicious,’
said Bill, ‘Give me more!’
And on cakes and on ice cream
Our possum did gorge.

His whole life was then spent
Eating loads of sweeties,
But he became fat
And got diabetes.

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