The Nasty Gnome

nastygnome

You really are a nasty gnome,
You’re cruel and very mean,
You ruined my little garden,
Once so lovely and serene,

You really are a nasty gnome,
What you’ve done is tragic,
Dirtying my garden,
With your evil magic,

You really are a nasty gnome,
This place was once so placid,
But you turned the grass into snakes,
And the pond’s water into acid,

You really are a nasty gnome,
Vicious, bad and more,
And you looked so friendly,
When I bought you from the store,

The nasty gnome’s been vanquished,
His reign of terror over,
He’s been knocked down and shattered,
By my doggy Rover.


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Apple Pie

Apple pie, apple pie,
I just baked myself an apple pie,
Apple pie, apple pie,
For I love me some apple pie,
Apple pie, apple pie,
Looks so good it makes me cry,
Apple pie, apple pie,
I love me some apple pie,
Apple pie, apple pie,
It’s so good, I will not lie,
Apple pie, apple pie,
I love me some apple pie,
Apple pie, apple pie,
It’s now grown fangs and eyes,
Apple pie, apple pie,
What happened to my apple pie?
Apple pie, apple pie,
It just roared, ‘You’re going to die!’
Apple pie, apple pie,
I don’t think I want this apple pie.


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The Clown’s Revenge

nastyclownOn a rainy day,
I sat in my home,
Watching movies and,
Chatting on the phone,

As I spoke to my friend,
And the rain fell down,
I watched a flick,
About an evil clown,

My friend hated clowns,
So both of us made,
Jokes about clowns,
We told them in spades:

What’s the difference between clowns and pizza?
People like pizza.

It was then I heard,
A knock at the door,
I put the phone on the table,
And my feet on the floor,

I opened the door,
And what should I see,
But a horrible clown,
Staring at me,

I froze in terror,
My heart did quickly beat,
When I saw his grin,
With rotting green teeth,

He had large yellow eyeballs,
Popping out of his skull,
Blood-red hair and nose,
He looked so frightful,

He grabbed my shirt,
And making no haste,
He shoved a pizza,
In my face.

‘How do you like pizza now?’


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My Friend Gina

I’ve told you before,
About Gina the doe,
The deer from my favourite,
Childhood cartoon show,

How I met her in a pub,
Guzzling down beer,
And I befriended her,
That poor, miserable deer,

We’d meet up often,
And have some fun,
We’d go watch movies,
And go out for a run,

We would talk often,
Me and the deer,
And Gina would tell me,
Of her greatest fears,

Often Gina,
Would be very scared,
For she was still troubled,
She had nightmares,

She told me of demons,
Who seemed to live in her head,
Mocking and taunting her,
As she lay in bed,

Vicious, cruel memories,
Of when her parents died,
I would hold her tightly,
As she wailed and she cried,

One day I told Gina,
‘I know what to do,
Come see me this weekend,
I have something for you.’

So when Saturday came,
We went into my car,
And I drove Gina,
To somewhere quite far,

The town where I spent,
Most of my childhood,
Not too far from my old home-
It was still there! The wood!

When school was too stressful,
And I needed some peace,
I’d come to this forest,
And sit by the trees,

I told Gina I liked,
To be here alone,
‘Because it reminded me,
Of, well, your home.’

ginaremembers

Walking into the woods,
Speaking no words,
Gina sat down,
Listening to the birds,

She explored the woods,
So calm and serene,
She took off her shoes,
And dipped her feet in a stream,

The calm of the forest,
She did embrace,
Being here brought,
A smile to her face.


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The Eyeballs

Step into this old house,
Open the creaky door,
Walk right down the hallway,
Now look down on the floor,

You’ll see two eyeballs,
This house is their home,
There are no other residents,
Here they live alone,

When intruders enter this house,
Then they have some fun,
There’s nothing they like more,
Than terrifying everyone,

They hop onto a painting,
Of a solemn-looking man,
They hop onto where his eyes are,
And then the room they scan,

As they move about, it looks like,
The picture is alive,
The painted man is looking,
At whomever he can find,

You’ll find these two eyeballs,
Peeking from the dark as well,
Looking like they belong to,
A shadowy thing from Hell,

Or they’ll get a bedsheet,
Then put it on a dummy,
And then hop on the “ghost’s” head,
They think it’s quite funny,

Those who intrude upon this house,
Run out with screams and cries,
All because of the antics,
Of two disembodied eyes.


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The Evil Toucan

I’m warning you, flee,
As fast as you can,
Before you get caught by,
The Evil Toucan!

Don’t hide in the forest,
That’s where he’ll be,
He’ll pop up from,
A hole in a tree,

He’s a monster,
Who preys on the weak,
He attacks with a magic,
Elongating beak,

With this beak,
He’ll make you dead,
He’ll use it to,
Rip off your head,

He can grow it,
Any size,
And use it to,
Poke out your eyes,

I’m warning you, flee,
As fast as you can,
Before you get caught by,
The Evil Touc-ow!

eviltoucan


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Visiting Mr. Skeleton

mrandmrsskeleton

My name is Mr. Skeleton,
Welcome to my home,
I do believe you’ve noticed,
I have no skin, just bones,

Step into my living room,
There you’ll meet my wife,
Don’t be put off by her horns and fangs,
She really is quite nice,

And outside, there plays our pet,
The biggest pet you ever saw,
We found him buried in the ground,
An undead dinosaur,

Now that you’ve met my family,
Let me tell you about my career,
I work in a gloomy graveyard,
Bringing people fear,

I love being a skeleton,
I love having no meat,
It saves upon the food bills,
For we don’t have to eat,

Thanks for visiting my humble home,
I hope to see you soon,
We love having humans here,
It brightens up the gloom.


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