The Teddy Bears’ Pub

Do you remember,
Your childhood toys?
How they were fun?
How they were such joys?

If you want to know,
Where they now are,
They’re at the Teddy Bears Pub,
Sitting at the bar,

If you look at their glasses,
Then you might think,
That they are empty,
But from them, toys can drink,

You’ll see dolls and animals,
And hear their cries,
They’ll shed tears from the buttons,
That act as their eyes,

Toys eat and drink here,
Though they have no guts,
A nutcracker orders –
What else? Pork scratchings.

If you’re looking for your toys,
Then make your way here.
They’re not having a  picnic;
They’re having a beer.

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The Thing in the Freezer

A horrible thing came out of my freezer,
A horrible, frosty, frightening geezer,
Formed out of ice cream, with arms and teeth made of ice,
It had an expression that was not very nice,
It also had, and I don’t why,
A bowler hat and a smart tie,
Then I heard from this monstrous beast,
‘Now it is you who will be my feast!’
He grabbed me with his icy claw,
Shoved me in the freezer and closed the door.
‘I’ll devour you ‘cause I really hate ya,
But I’m not hungry now, so you’ll be saved for later.’


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A Sad Scarecrow

Late one night,
There sat on a bench,
A tatty old scarecrow,
A miserable wretch!

The scarecrow was really,
Miserable that night,
Because he couldn’t scare crows,
Try as he might,

He couldn’t stop them,
In the field of grain,
He felt as if,
He had no brain,

As the scarecrow sat,
Feeling sad and lost,
He was approached by,
What looked like a ghost,

It was a prop ghost,
It wasn’t real,
But it said to the scarecrow,
‘I know how you feel.

‘I may look undead,
But I know your pain,
For I live in the funfair,
Inside the Ghost Train,

‘I try to scare people,
But they know I am fake,
They laugh as they pass me,
Cruel jokes they do make.’

The two became friends,
And wanted all to hear it,
How the scarecrow had found,
A kindred spirit.

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Jawbreaker the Jester

Jawbreaker the Jester,
Was not very good,
He couldn’t make jokes,
As well as he should,

He juggled and danced,
And told pun after pun,
But nobody laughed,
Or found his act fun,

Although Jawbreaker,
Was not very rich,
He decided to buy,
A spell from a witch,

He said to the witch,
‘Here is some money,
Please cast a spell,
That’ll make me funny!’

The witch replied,
‘I know it’s tragic,
But I can’t make you funny,
Even with magic,

‘But if you swallow,
This concoction,
You should have a solution,
To your problem.’

The potion changed Jawbreaker,
And his every feature,
And transformed him,
Into a monstrous creature.

He went up to people,
And roared, ‘Laugh at my jokes!
Chortle and chuckle,
Or I’ll rip out your throats!’

There was plenty of laughter,
But no genuine cheer,
There was no real mirth;
They all laughed out of fear,

Jawbreaker the Jester,
Is still around,
A jack-in-the-box,
Is where he’s usually found,

If he should spring out,
And try to entertain,
Don’t forget to laugh,
Or he will cause pain.


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The Tragedy of Gina the Jolly Fawn


One day I felt sad,
My brain filled with gloom,
So I decided,
To watch a cartoon,

A show from my childhood,
Jolly and bright,
To help cheer me up,
And forget all my plights,

Gina the Jolly Fawn,
In her happy bright world,
My favourite show,
When I was a girl,

Gina lived in a forest,
Her home was a tree,
She had many adventures,
She was happy and free,

This certain cartoon,
Had a magic power,
To make me forget,
My pain for an hour,

Later on, I decided,
To go the pub,
To have a few lagers,
(I could drink a whole tub),

When I got there,
I saw, drinking beer,
Slumped over the counter,
A certain deer,

Yes, this creature,
Who sat all alone,
I knew it was Gina,
And she had grown,

She was an adult,
And she was 3D,
But I knew she was the fawn,
I saw on TV,

I approached,
This anthropomorphic deer,
And said, ‘You’re a cartoon,
Why are you here?’

She shook her head,
And said she’d explain,
We went to the smoking area,
Though there was rain,

She told me a story,
And it wasn’t good;
When Gina’s show ended,
They tore down her wood,

All the trees were cut down,
Even her home,
Her parents were hunted,
Leaving Gina alone,

No longer was she,
A happy little deer,
Now all she could do,
Was drown her sorrows with beer.

Though I knew I couldn’t,
Make her pain fully end,
I comforted her,
And said I’d be her friend,

I took her back to my flat,
And turned on the TV,
And reminded her of when,
She was happy,

She said, ‘Yes,
Those days, they were good,
Thanks for trying to help me,
When no-one else would.’

It is still a shame that sadness,
Misery and gloom,
Can even invade,
Your favourite cartoon.

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I’m Jealous of my Friend

I have something in common,
With my friend Clive,
Both of us are dead,
No longer alive.

I like Clive a lot,
But I must confess,
I’m jealous of what,
He got out of death,

He can walk through walls,
He can float and fly,
He can rip off his head,
And pop out his eyes,

He can change how he looks,
Give himself a new face,
He can teleport,
All over the place,

Compared to him,
I’m very plain,
All I can do is lurch around,
And hunger for brains.

If you liked this poem, don’t forget to check out my books – The Adventures of a Duck is still free! – or you can buy me a coffee on Ko-Fi!



To celebrate its one year anniversary, my Kindle eBook The Adventures of a Duck will be FREE today and tomorrow! Check it out!

Anne is a nineteen-year-old girl studying at Doford University. She likes reading, video games, and wishes to be more confident and social.

She’s also a talking duck in a world ruled by animals, her boyfriend is a snake who’s also an aspiring horror writer, and she even ends up encountering real ghosts and monsters.

A selection of short stories about Anne the Duck and the weird world she inhabits.

This anthology includes A Duck and a TurtleA Duck, a Snake and a Ghost and new stories about the adventures of Anne the Duck!