Easter Egg Hunt in the Haunted House

Easter egg hunts,
Are a lot of fun,
But in the haunted house,
It’s not for everyone.

Yes, on the hill,
Every year,
There’s an Easter egg hunt,
In the house of fear,

You search for eggs,
In the rooms and halls,
(Just ignore the blood,
That drips down the walls),

Look under every table,
Look in every room,
There’s an egg in that coffin,
There’s eggs in that tomb,

There’s an egg near that stuffed bear,
But that object’s cursed,
So when you try to grab that egg,
The bear may grab you first,

Make sure to open every door,
Even this one to Hell,
For if you look among the flames,
There’s eggs hiding there as well.

Once you’ve found all the eggs,
You better run and hide,
Unless you want to see them hatch,
And find out what’s inside.


The Ghostly Cowboy


I saw a ghostly cowboy,
A ghost with a big hat,
Big eyes and a skull-like face,
Yes, I did see that,

As soon as he came into my view,
He let loose a loud whine,
And then he pulled out a lasso,
Made of a human spine,

His vest was made of cobwebs,
Spiders were his spurs,
And he came into a restaurant,
Where beefburgers were served,

Not into a haunted house,
Or to a ghost town,
No, to this fine eatery,
Where cows’ ghosts could be found.


I Love My Haunted Teddy


I love my haunted teddy,
He is a little dear,
He is a soft, cuddly toy,
But he spreads terror far and near,

He’s a little teddy,
With huge fangs in his head,
His eyes bathe my toyroom,
In a lovely shade of red,

He always plays games with me,
Just like a teddy should,
We have nice tea parties,
With the cups all filled with blood,

This abomination,
Is one that brings me joy,
But, how, you ask, did I manage,
To get a haunted toy,

Well, there is a demon,
Inside this teddy bear,
And the demon daren’t hurt me –
Who do you think trapped him in there?

The Horrendous Creature That Lurks in the Shadows of the Forest


Sometimes when it’s a sunny day,
I tend to get the need,
To go outside into the woods,
With a book to read,

Yes, I love to go out and sit under,
The shade of an oak tree,
And then immerse myself,
In the pages of fantasy,

But once when I was reading,
Something emerged from the wood,
It announced itself with a vicious roar,
And I said, ‘That’s not good.’

Out came a grisly monster,
Standing as tall as a man,
But had claws and tentacles,
And a mouth filled with fangs,

I froze with fear when it approached,
And it said, ‘I’ve been looking for you,
I see that you like reading,
Well, I’ve written a book too!’

Coming soon to bookstores: My Life as a Horrendous Creature That Lurks in the Shadows of the Forest by Glorgg Slimeson, author of Best Ways to Devour a Soul and 101 Easy-to-Make Christmas Decorations.

The Nightmare Man


Do you hate having bad dreams,
Like that one nightmare,
When you’re caught in public,
In your underwear?

Do you hate scary dreams,
Filled with fear and gloom?
If you do, let me in,
Let me enter your bedroom.

Summon me, the Nightmare Man,
I’ll work when you’re asleep,
I’ll make sure not to wake you up,
I’ll make not a peep,

I’ll open up your head, I will,
But I won’t cause any pain,
I’ll pluck every nightmare,
Straight out of your brain,

But there is a price to pay,
I don’t do this for free,
I’ll then release your nightmares,
For an audience to see,

An audience of demons,
Who will watch and dance and laugh,
As I play your nightmares,
All for their behalf,

For there is something about me,
That I think you should know,
I work for The Ringmonster,
And I help give him a show.

The Thing in the Shower

Today I had a shower,
To get myself clean,
There I heard a growl,
That sounded quite mean,

Then from the water,
Splattered all over the floor,
I heard the sounds of slaughter,
Then out came a claw,

There rose a beast,
With fangs and a long nose,
It then began to feast,
Upon all my toes,

‘Why?’ I asked the thing,
It said, ‘You drove me mad,
Because the way you sing,
It’s oh so very bad!’



There once was a woman named Lisa,
And she could never find peace,
She was a woman whose head was a pizza,
And her body was made out of cheese…

Lisa was born with a pizza for a head and so she can’t go outside without someone either mocking her or trying to eat her. She spends most of her time alone in her home, pondering on her loneliness and how she came to be. Thankfully, she makes a new friend, just as unusual as she, who encourages her talents.

An expanded version of my Pizza Woman poem with NEW illustrations! You can get it for $1.34/£0.99 on Amazon, but it will be FREE from Saturday 6th to Sunday 7th!

Buy it here