The World’s Best Pizza Place

One day I was hungry,
But I didn’t want to cook,
So I went to my computer,
And online I took a look,

At what was said to be,
The World’s Best Pizza Place,
So I could order something,
With which to stuff my face,

The website said, ‘Our pizzas,
They really are the best,
Our pizzas are so much more,
Livelier than the rest!’

This sounded tempting,
So from them I did buy,
It was quite pricy,
But was worth a try.

They brought me my pizza,
And when I opened the box,
It then spoke to me,
It was quite a shock,

‘Please don’t eat me,
Let me live in your home,
It looks pretty nice,
A fine place to own.’

Well, the Pizza Place did
Just as it should,
It made the world’s best pizzas,
They made them too good.

The Cow’s Cake

helen

Helen the cow,
Was bored of her farm,
Water and grass,
Had lost their charm,

Then she saw the farmer,
With a giant cake,
She then got inspired,
And decided to make,

A great big dessert,
With a fine taste and look,
So she went into the farmhouse,
To the recipe book,

She got eggs from the chickens,
Flour from the shelf,
And the milk,
She provided herself,

The farmer tasted her cake,
And he liked it a lot,
He then asked her,
‘What else have you got?’

So Helen baked tonnes more cakes,
And they were the best,
She sold them by the tonne,
And she took requests,

She made cakes for weddings,
Cupcakes for birthdays,
Cakes shaped like characters,
From the latest kids’ craze,

But one request,
She didn’t like one bit,
She was offended so much,
She just up and quit,

This one request,
That made her cease:
‘Can I have some cupcakes,
Shaped like hamburgers please?’

Today I’m Feeling Really Good

Today I’m feeling really good,
I could just go out and sing,
Because today I feel like I am great,
I can do anything.

I’ve got a good brain in my head,
And such a large heart,
Any problem I can solve,
For I am very smart,

But all that confidence fades away,
At the drop of a hat,
I am not kind or intelligent,
I’m no better than a rat,

Today I’m not feeling that good,
I’ll hate myself forever more,
I’m a being worse than scum,
For I forgot to mop my floor.

The Lemon Possum vs Karl the Kangaroo

lemonvskarl1

This story features the Lemon Possum from The Lemon Possum, The Lemon Possum 2 and The Lemon Possum’s Evil Easter and Karl the Kangaroo from Karl the Kangaroo.

The Lemon Possum was on her phone,
Looking for a game,
One that was popular and had,
Lots of fame,

The number one game,
That week was a hit,
Had several reviews,
With people praising it,

‘Who made this game?’
The possum asked herself,
‘I’ll make them make a game,
That’ll promote me and bad health!’

Kangaroo Games was who
Made this certain app,
The Lemon Possum smiled,
And went off in a flash,

Over to the offices
Of Kangaroo Games,
Her grin full of malice,
Her eyes full of flames,

She went to the head honcho,
Who was a kangaroo,
His name was Karl,
He asked ‘Who are you?’

‘I’m the Lemon Possum,
And I am so neat,
I’ve an idea for a game,
That’ll tell kids what to eat!

‘It’ll tell them to eat choccies,
Sugar and snacks,
And I’ll then give them those,
I’ll give them stacks!

‘People always listen
To what their phones have to say,
So they’ll believe
That I’m saving the day!

‘Fruit and vegetables,
Will then be outlawed,
And everyone in the world,
Will make me their god!’

This evil plan
Did not impress Karl,
Who responded to it,
With a growl and a snarl,

‘That’s a terrible idea!
A terrible app!
What makes you think
We’ll be making that?’

‘Because I’m magic,’
Said the Possum with pride,
‘I can use my powers to
Rip out your insides!’

Karl laughed at the Possum,
Then ripped off his shirt,
‘No, I think it is I,
Who’ll bring you lots of hurt!

‘I think it is I,
Who will beat you today,
Us kangaroos fight,
I practice MMA!’

lemonvskarl2

The Possum said, ‘Ha,
You think you can beat me?’
She floated in the air,
And blew a raspberry,

But then Karl kicked her
Right in the face,
He used his strength to throw her
Straight out of the place,

The Lemon Possum
Was then left in a daze,
Now Candy Crush,
Is the only game that she plays.

The Open Window

It’s boiling in my bedroom,
And I cannot sleep,
So I get out of bed,
And to the window I creep,

I open it up,
And let loose a breeze,
To cool down this room,
And put me at ease,

But then to my window,
There comes an owl,
He grumbles and snarls,
His expression’s a scowl,

He says, ‘Close your window,
You make too much noise,
You talk in your sleep,
I hate the sound of your voice!’

So I close the window,
But I hear him say, ‘Hoo!
I don’t want to share
The night with you!’

Karl the Kangaroo

karlkangaroo

This was originally a prose story, but I thought it’d work better as a poem.

Karl the Kangaroo,
Was a well-known name,
He owned a company,
That made mobile games,

He was very rich,
And he wore a smart suit,
You may think that funny,
But he wasn’t so cute,

He didn’t hop,
Or bounce like a hare,
He’d walk down halls slowly,
With a vicious cold stare,

Karl had employees,
And he gave them pay,
But frequently denied them,
Necessary off-days,

He wouldn’t give them time off,
He ignored every plea,
From every worker who needed,
To see their family,

He silenced chatter,
And birthday greetings,
The room would turn cold,
When he went to his meetings,

The cloud that he brought,
Over workers was huge,
He was less a Skippy than
An Ebenezer Scrooge.

One worker, Rob, thought,
‘Perhaps he is bad,
Because deep down,
He’s really just sad.’

He went up to Karl,
And said, ‘Hello sir,
If you please, take a moment,
I want a quick word,

‘I know that you’re gloomy,
And you never laugh,
And I believe it has something
To do with your past,

‘Something happened to you,
In your childhood,
I believe if you tell me,
Then you’ll feel good.’

Rob fully expected
To be fired right away,
But Karl told a story,
Of his joey days,

When he was very young,
His mother left him, she did,
He didn’t sit in a pouch,
Like the other kids,

This inspired him,
To become a success,
To show his mother,
That he was the best,

But remembering his lonely
Childhood years,
Made Karl lie down,
And burst into tears,

But he said to Robert,
As he rubbed his eyes,
‘How would you like to
Have a pay rise?

‘There’s just one thing
You have to do,
Which’ll make me a happy
Kangaroo!’

Karl had a smile
Replace his frown,
When Rob lifted him up,
And jumped up and down.

The Ringmonster

ringmonster

If it’s a cold, dark night,
And you’re taking a stroll,
And you hear a voice crying,
‘Roll up, roll…’

And you see a strange figure,
One green and fat,
With a red jacket,
And a big top hat,

And little demons follow him,
Wherever he may go,
Then you’ve met the Ringmonster,
And you’re the star of his show.

‘Come and see the human,’
The Ringmonster often cries,
‘If you get real close you can,
See the fear in their eyes!

‘Look at the human,
How it runs away!’
Yes, you might try and run
But his show is here to stay.

The Ringmonster has a circus,
And it is your town,
His audience will laugh at you,
For they see you as a clown.